Article in the Life Coach Section of the August 2014 Issue of H&Y Magazine by Vinesh Sukumaran
A lot of conventional literature on communication would talk about how human communication starts from the moment the child is born and goes on till a person’s last breath. In fact the actual process of communication starts well before the child is born, almost from the moment of conception. The embryo communicates its presence to the mother through chemical changes in the body with related mood and emotional implications. The growing mass of cells communicates the need for a particular kind of care for the mother. The unborn baby on the verge of entering the big wide world communicates through the mother, the need to be rushed to the hospital at the end of the gestation period and so on.
Communication being such a fundamental element of human existence, it continues to play a crucial role throughout a person’s life. While the difference between verbal and non verbal communication has been common knowledge from the past several decades, it is still quite common for people who want to stop communicating with someone else to merely stop talking to them. Unfortunately, silence is one of the most powerful modes of communication. A few seconds of silence in a conversation or a dramatic pause can sometimes convey far more than several minutes of dialogue. Not only can silence convey a person’s unwillingness to communicate but it can also convey a person’s real emotions. Feelings of anger, shame, guilt, bliss, comfort and discomfort can be conveyed through silence. Another close cousin of silence in the arena of communication is Absence.
- The idea of the teacher marking students absent after a long explanation of student carelessness and the need for them to be more regular to class.
- Party hosts in social situations remembering the guests who didn’t show up for the party, long after the occasion is over.
- Friends, colleagues and family members spending hours discussing others who aren’t even there to share the moment.
Many a times, your absence speaks much louder than your presence.
There are also the quiet ones who think their communication is best demonstrated through their actions. What they do, the way they care for others, the commitments they live up to and the overall behaviour they demonstrate. While there is no debate on the fact that your actions are a powerful mode of communication, the point that is often missed out is the communicating power of Inaction.
- Restaurants that are given poor feedback by their customers and don’t do anything about it communicate their “We Don’t Care” attitude.
- People who get blamed for no fault of theirs but don’t speak up or clarify their point, communicate their low level of self respect.
- And people who have dreams and aspirations but don’t take any action towards realizing them communicate their laziness or poor appetite for life.
Finally, another factoid that the traditional books on communication missed out is that the process of communication does not in fact stop with your last breath. Dead people communicate the need to be put to rest by others. Their absence in turn communicates the need for their loved ones to make adjustments and move on. Obituary messages and posthumous awards and recognitions are other classic examples of how your communication could outlive you.